Rev. Janice Carter

Wedding Celebrant and Officiant in the Seattle area

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Marriage Regret – How Not to Marry the Wrong Person

Weddings are a $42 billion a year industry.  Recently, Nightline reported that 30% of divorced women walked down the aisle knowing that she was not marrying the right man.

Why do women go through a wedding that they know is not right?  Many times, they are in love with the idea of getting married, not with the actual man!  They get caught up in the planning and the whole affair takes up a momentum of its own.  They ignore their gut feelings.  They reason themselves out of calling off the wedding.  Some of the most common reasons are:

1.  I don’t want to waste the time I have invested in this relationship.

2.  All my friends are getting married.  I don’t want to be the only one not getting married and I don’t want to be alone.

3.  He’ll change after we get married.  She hopes that marriage will improve the relationship.

4.  It’s too embarrassing or expensive to call off the wedding.

5.  She has wedding planning fever.   She probably enjoyed her wedding dress and all the attention more than her husband-to-be.

Men are also guilty of marrying someone they know is not right for them.  The main reason is that he does not want to disappoint his bride or their families.

Don’t underestimate how painful divorce is.  Many couples walk down the aisle thinking if it doesn’t work out, they can just get divorced.  Getting a divorce is more painful and more expensive than calling off the wedding – even if it is the day of the wedding.   Don’t say “I Do” when you want to say “I Don’t”.

One way to determine whether this is the right person beforehand is to put some planning and thought into the marriage itself, rather than just the wedding.  One good way to do this is to go through premarital counseling.  This will give you the opportunity to explore all the different areas of a relationship and discover the areas of disagreement and work on them beforehand.  If they cannot be resolved, it is time to either call off or postpone the wedding.

No matter where you live, I offer a 16 module pre-marital counseling course that can be done via email or in person.  To find out more about this course, contact me at


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Valerie Calkins commented on Rev. Janice Carter, Wedding Celebrant and Officiant

Sealed with a kiss

Valerie, Ryan, and Rev. Jan during the ceremony

Valerie and Ryan

Rev. Jan officiated our wedding in July at Alderbrook Resort. Her caring personality and beautiful words made our special day that much more special. My husband and I are not overly religious but did not want a completely secular ceremony either. To be honest we really weren’t sure what we want at all or how to begin to figure it out. Jan was patient and guided us through putting together the perfect ceremony. At the wedding, my family loved her too and felt instant connections with her. My mother was impressed by how “personable yet professional” she was; the perfect combination in a wedding officiant. We highly recommend her to anyone looking for a great wedding officiant. Thanks Jan for making our wedding perfect!!


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Today I saw this amazing group of trees. You can see how they have become entwined with one another. Like these trees, a couple’s life becomes more entwined the longer they are together. What started out as two separate lives become one – while still maintaining the two. This makes a long marriage or partnership very strong and very supportive.

It illustrates one of my favorite marriage readings –


by Louis Bernieres:

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.  And when it subsides you have to make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.  Because this is what love is.  Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.   That is just being in love, which any fool can do.  Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.  Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.