Marriage brings together more than just two people. It also joins together all the expectations each person has of what a husband and wife are and what their roles are. It factors in all the family experiences and traditions of each person. Many times these expectations are so basic to a person’s belief system that the individual is not even aware of what they are. After the wedding ceremony, these expectations start coming up as the couple blends their two separate lives into one life of togetherness. The more a couple has discussed their beliefs and expectations before the wedding, the smoother the transition to married life will be. This can be an uncomfortable process at times, but it is important to understand where your future spouse stands on key issues before you tie the knot.
The top ten topics for a couple to discuss are:
- Money and Finances
- Sex and Bedtime Routines
- Friends and Family
- What each of you want out of life (values, priorities, goals)
- Communications and Conflict Resolution
- Leisure Activities
- Roles and Expectations in Marriage
Each of these is a large topic with many questions to discuss. Many couples find premarital counseling helpful so that they can discuss these areas in a thorough and constructive manner.
I provide a course called Premarital Discussions where each person answers in writing a list of questions for each topic. The couple then sits down together and discusses their answers. They email the results to me and every two or three topics, we meet face-to-face to discuss the results. The couples who have gone through this course have found it very helpful, even though they had a good relationship before starting the course.
A 2014 graduate of the course wrote, “This class was really good for us to talk about every aspect of our relationship. It forced us to sit down and talk about things openly. [The course was] eye opening and a good way for us to communicate with guided conversation. The course helped me to understand the background of some of my partner’s opinions/feelings.”
To find out more, you may contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 206.915.1077.